Must I master the marathon in Mumbai...

Looking back at my blog today, I realized that I hadn't stuck to what I had decided, which was to write as often as possible and document the things that were happening and express life from my perspective. The last time I wrote was some time in February and it's not that nothing has happened since then, for that is never quite possible, but it is more that I have found myself at a loss of words and unsure of what to write of and hence hold off thinking that I will write when I figure out what I can write about. Today I realized that I can write about pretty much anything. I can even write about not writing, which seems to be what I am doing right now, quite successfully at that.

Well, I have been debating with myself the past few days. Should I run a few half marathons this year or not? Should I take that step and sign up for the full marathon in Mumbai? The question actually leads back to am I committed and do I desire to train and run these marathons? For this year I have decided that if I do run a half or a full marathon, I must be in pretty good shape and fitness and run one.

I want to be able to RUN the marathon and not FINISH the marathon. On the other hand, I also realized that the motivation to train and run really comes from making that commitment and signing up for the marathon itself. From being on the other end of the spectrum and saying that I won't sign up for the marathons because I'm not ready, I'm slowly shifting to thinking I really want to run these marathons, let me sign up for them and I'll figure out some way to train for them and be as ready as I can be for them.

I think all this comes from a part of me that does not want to lose the physically fit and active part of my life. Keeping myself involved and aspiring towards these marathons keeps me in check and makes sure that I don't get lazy or don't start making excuses. Also, it forces me to set aside time for myself, which is really needed looking at the amount of time and mindspace I spend working.

I believe I have pretty much figured it out myself. I think there are going to be a few marathons coming this year. I think it's only going to get better from there. It's going to keep me on track and give me time and space to clear my mind and pump adrenaline through my system, which will keep me going and push efficiency, effectiveness and everything else!

The weekend that never was

It must have been Friday when I received an email from Ashish asking whether I would be interested in a night trek up to the Torna fort. Just two days before that I had decided to go on a bike ride and trek to Rajmachi. I emailed Ashish back telling him that it wouldn't be possible as I wouldn't be back till late in the evening on Saturday and wouldn't be able to join in on the trek.

Friday evening I headed to Life Cycles with Srikanth to rent a bike for the ride the next day. We rented two bikes and cycled back. Left home the next morning at around 4:30 AM to meet Bani at Swargate and then continue on to meet the others and head to Rajmachi. After about two hours of cycling and riding on the National Highway for about half an hour, I decided that I didn't want to compete with the trucks and lorries to get to Lonavla and preferred to head back. On the way back, I remembered Ashish's email and thought of maybe heading to Torna.

I suggested this to Srikanth, who thought it was a brilliant idea! Riding back, we rode past E-square theater on University Road. I hit the brakes, left my bike and ran in to see if there were any movie tickets available. I was looking forward to watching 7 Khoon Maaf but as the show was sold out I had to settle for I Am Number Four. After the movie and after stuffing myself with caramel popcorn and a sandwich, we headed to Life Cycles to return the bikes.

After returning the bikes, we headed back, had lunch and I fell asleep. I woke up at 3:30 and decided that I would head to Torna. Ashish said that we would bike to Torna (this time motorbike!) and then hike up from the base.

At 4:30 PM we met at Swargate and set off for Torna on 3 bikes. I was riding with Chikita, while Ashish and Arti were on one bike and Anoop and Srikanth on another. I was extremely excited about going on this trek. One because Rajmachi hadn't quite worked out the way it was supposed to and two because it was a night trek and I was told that Torna was beautiful! :)

We arrived at the base of Torna at around 7:30. We ate dinner and started walking a little after 8:30. Right at the beginning there was a fork in the trail and we chose the trail that we thought was the right one. Using our flashlights and the light from the moon we continued on the trail. After about 2 hours of walking, we realized that at some point we had taken the wrong path. Torna was slightly confusing as there were several trails leading out but many of them ended in a dead end and only one of them led to the top. We figured that if we continued moving up we would eventually hit the actual trail and could then follow it up to the fort. So, we continued walking in the direction of the fort.

Soon we were forcing our way through bramble and thorny bushes. We climbed over a dry waterfall that only had rocks in it. We continued climbing and walking. As we continued walking, the trail became harder to follow and the climbing and walking became harder. The inclines were steeper, the pathways were slippery and there was nothing to hold on to.

We finally came to a climb that was about 60 degrees and smooth stone. Somehow, with pushing, pulling, crawling and scrambling we came to stable ground. The next climb was almost 90 degrees and it took all our strength and a lot of motivation and even more faith to climb that rock face. There were six of us huddled on a small strip of flat ground and yet we were still not at the top of Torna. It was almost 2 AM at this point and Ashish tried to scout out the trail to the top and returned thinking it was safer and better to try and head back down.

Arti, Chikita and I were in disbelief. We had no clue how we had just reached the top and climbing down the way we came was almost unimaginable. After 5 minutes of an uncomfortable silence and all of us making up our minds that we had no other choice, we started climbing down. We decided we would follow a particular order until we came to flat ground and were more comfortable.

I swear, for the next hour or so, we were all holding our breath and hoping that we would get to the bottom without any major glitches. Srikanth lead the way, followed by me, then Anoop and Arti and lastly, Chikita and Ashish. As the inclines were so steep and the ground so slippery, we had no choice but to slide and crawl down the slope. After every section we stopped to make sure everyone made it and then continued further. It was amazing that everyone was so calm and collected on the outside, while I'm sure on the inside their heart was racing and while their mouth is saying, "Everything is going to be OK," their mind was still wondering if everything would go off smoothly.

After about 1.5 hours, we reached relatively flat ground and started walking through. In the meantime, we saw some other trekkers a little further off who had also gotten lost. We warned them to not come further and decided to head towards them. We finally got to them and they told us of their trek. We decided to rest there for some time and settled down to sleep.

We woke up to a biting cold, where our toes were freezing inside our shoes and we were shivering even with sweatshirts on. We started walking at 5:30 AM and headed back to the base village. Thankfully, we were able to find our way and a little more than an hour later, we were back at the base and happy to get there! :)

We had tea and headed back on our bikes. We ate breakfast on the way and headed back to Swargate. From there, I went home took a long shower and crashed.

After the trek, we laughed about the night and how eventful it had been. But at that moment, hanging off the tips of my fingers and hoping that my legs will find some solid ground, things were not so funny.

It was an amazing experience and I have newfound respect and appreciation for the five others that were on the trek with me. I think we now share something very different and special and I look forward to going on many MANY more treks.

I think the one thing that will make me want to go back with this very same group for any trek at any time would be the trust and faith. That night, I trusted every single person there and I think this was the only thing that let us all stay in such good spirits and it was the same thing that got us all safely to the bottom. I think it was so clear that we would all make sure that every single one of us would be safe and would get home safe. This was very very comforting and encouraging and made us push through any fears or inhibitions we might have had.

I think I owe everyone on the trek a big THANK YOU! :)

Running rush

I sat there wondering why I had come to McDonalds. Probably to show that I was fine and normal and that my classroom was fine and dandy. Or probably because my brain was fried and I was hoping that Ronald McDonald had some answers. Either way, I spent most of the time staring at the TV screen watching EPL highlights on ESPN. Only towards the end did I start talking and joking and thank god for that.

It is unusual for me to be quiet and straight faced. For those of you who know me, you know exactly what I mean. I am either smiling or laughing and constantly yapping. Most people would give anything for me to be quiet for a few minutes but it also serves as a source of worry as this is an obvious indicator that everything is not OK.

I didn't quite know what was wrong or why I was in a blah mood. I drove home listening to the radio as usual. As I parked my car and entered my apartment building I thought why not go for a run? I hadn't run in the morning and thought it better not to wait for the run the next morning. I decided to run after about an hour and settled down to finish a few small things.

I finally got up and headed downstairs for a run. The next 20 minutes took me to a place I needed to be and cleared my mind. My heart and feet were thumping to the beats of the music but as I ran, a calm washed over me. Things inside settled and my thinking became clearer and things seemed a lot easier and definitely more manageable.

I guess once in a while it is hard to keep things in perspective and be objective. Here, where there is a race against time, I think it is a constant struggle but the only thing I have learnt is that it may not necessarily be a bad thing. It pushes me to work harder and question myself. It also pushes me to be more efficient and really prioritize!

Running may not be my first suit but it is slowly becoming my vice...

City of Angels

Do you believe that each one of us has an angel watching over us? Do you believe in heaven? Do you believe that its important to feel pain? Do you believe its important to know what a pear tastes like? Or.....do you believe it would all be better if you could hear music when the sun rose and live in blissful ignorance?

"And I don't want the world to see me,

Cuz I don't think that they'd understand,

When everything's made to be broken,

I just want you to know who I am"

"And you can't fight the tears that ain't comin,

All the moment of truth in your lies,

When everything feels like the movies,

Ya, you bleed just to know you're alive..."

Today was the first time I watched City of Angels. I didn't know what to expect and neither did I expect this song. For some reason, I thought there was another song in this movie that never played and was pleasantly surprised when this one did. One of my favorite songs, I now understood what it meant and how it could mean so many more things. Definitely an interesting watch for the heart! Makes you question and wonder....and wonder and question...those simple things in life that we take for granted...makes us think of our struggles and the many things that we choose to ignore...the many things that we struggle to come to terms with...the many things that we grapple with on a daily basis....but it also makes us think about the simple things in life...the things that make life worth living...the things that make life so special....the things that make us human....and the things that only humans have....

Food for thought...or rather exercise for thought....five minutes later I was pulling away at my ergometer...guilty for not waking up early enough in the morning to finish my workout...on the other hand, thankful for the order of events...allowing my mind to literally wander to the heavens and back while I rhythmically pulled at the handle of the ergometer.

The sweat mixed with the pain gave a strange sense of pleasure and satisfaction...a high that only exercise could give....a fulfillment that only physical strain could deliver!!! For this feeling, I wake up every morning...for this feeling, I drag my tired body out of bed and pull on my sneakers...for this feeling, I go through the pain and the strain at the end of a hard day.......for nothing as wonderful as the oxymoronic pleasurable pain was unleashed from Pandora's box....

Tomorrow is a new day, where I wake up looking forward to feeling this pain all over again...looking forward to my screaming muscles and my aching lungs....looking forward to the meter counting down and the time ticking away....looking forward to the rhythmic spinning of the flywheel...stroke after stroke....minute after minute....the small things in life make life worth living and the angels watching are really missing out on something special!

Rain, sweat, rain, sweat.....

Take this from someone who has worn out several pairs of running shoes...owning the shoes...even wearing the shoes...does not prepare you to run in the shoes!!! So all my enthusiasm to go running was only in talk....when I actually stepped out and started running I honestly was just waiting to find an excuse to stop...though I really wanted to run!!! Strange...

The run started off quite well....but most of the way up a never ending hill somewhere in the middle of Marketyard, I simply stopped and was like nope, not going any further....Srikanth would just not give up...on the run and on me either....so thanks to him...I ran up and down several more hilly roads in Marketyard and was thoroughly soaked by the end of it! Not to mention that there were a few more stops in between as well...and with pushing and prodding I finished running...

Slight fears creeping in about running a whole half marathon in a couple of months time...but I think fitness can be built up quite quickly and a little regularity and a little pushing will see me ready for my first half marathon :)

As I was walking up the stairs, I wondered what an oxymoron life was....to think that the things that put you through the most pain are the things that we derive so much pleasure from....was so happy that I went for that run this morning...besides the fact that it was unsuccessful on many counts...other than probably for the fact that it was the first time after I got to Pune that I got out and ran :) :) hopefully the first of many more runs in Pune....and a lot more running in the future....

Early morning encounter with my ergometer in Pune

This morning was like a god send.....set the alarm for 4 AM and weirdly enough was up at around 3:40....went to bed pretty early for starters....but then again, its not everyday your body clock is screwed up enough to wake up at the unearthly hour of 3:40 AM....for those who know me, no, not even mine is....

Woke up with the idea of cooking and getting some work done...tho I wasn't quite sure what this work was....put the cooker on the stove and sat down to check my email and go through a few things....halfway through I did a few calculations with time and decided that I had time to exercise....

My ergometer had just got to Pune 2 days before and I was itching to row on it....firstly because my workout regimen had gone out the window after moving to Pune...and also because it had been so long...and now he machine was right there, right in front of me...waiting to kill me...as always!!!! Who would have known eight years ago when my parents gave it to me as a birthday present that it would become such an integral part of my life and that we would develop such a deep love-hate relationship....that is still to last many years to come!!!

Halfway through stirring the sambar, I ran to change and put on my running shoes....a few minutes later, I was sitting on the ergometer....pulling away happily...listening to the rhythmic sound of the chain spinning in the flywheel....just before this I was wondering what I had gotten myself into when I signed myself up for the half marathon in Jan....I really wasn't going to be fit enough to run that...or would I??? Could I possibly do it??? Apparently I could....as usual, others had more faith in my abilities and potential than I did....:)

I decided on a 20 for starters....and amazing how your body responds when you push it....it was the most amazing feeling....transported back to all the times in the last eight years that the machine has been my sole companion and a source of inspiration and motivation to never give up....and to push myself just a little harder...just when I think I'm doing well....just when I think I might not be able to go any further...

This is only the start of many more such encounters with my ergometer....and many more wonderful days in Pune....for now I figured out that integral to happiness and excellence is balance....and sometimes, just sometimes...taking a step back and figuring things out is not bad....conversely...probably better....

I also realized that its OK to take time out for myself and that it wouldn't kill me...would only make me stronger...so here I am, doing all the things that I love....and living the life that I never imagined!!!

Lesson from the past few days....don't wait for the right time to do anything....because the right time is now....so stop waiting and follow your heart!!! Life is too short to wait and there's just too much to do to spend your time waiting!!! :) :)