Sense of possibility

Last week I was at my wit's end with what incentives and investment strategies I could use with Simran to get her to do her work and complete it. It seemed impossible. She was extremely slow with her writing, even if it was just copying from the board, she didn't complete any of her homework, she didn't bother to write in the workbooks or even complete assignments in her notebook. I tried telling her all different things. I know she absolutely adored me but for some reason didn't see reason in completing her work.

Finally, before she was leaving school one day I told her that she would not be allowed into my class the next morning if she didn't complete all her pending work. If she didn't, she would have to stay outside class and complete the work and then she would be allowed into the class. She agreed and left the class. I kept my fingers crossed that this strategy would work.

The next morning she came in again with her work incomplete and I sent her out immediately and told her that only if she completed her work she would be allowed to be part of the class. I believe this struck a cord somewhere and in record time she completed her work and came into class to show it to me. I was amazed to see that not only had she completed it all, she had also gotten it all correct.

That day, at the end of the school day, I told her again that she would not be allowed into class the next morning if she didn't complete her work. The next morning she walked into class all proud and beaming. She very proudly pulled out her workbooks and showed me that she had completed all her work. I was elated and ecstatic.

Again, for the millionth time, I learnt not to give up, at any point on any of my kids....they were all going to make it...but I had to believe...because if I didn't, no one else would....for them, all they have is a belief and a hope....

True mastery

A couple of days ago I went to Laveena's house as part of my community visit. After about a week of telling her that I would come to her house after school, I finally made it there. I didn't really feel like going that day either, but since I didn't want to see the disappointed look on her face, I decided I would go to her house and spend some time with her family.

Once I got there, I was extremely happy that I had gone to visit. Her grandmother was simply a pleasure to speak to and was animatedly describing all the activities of both her grandkids and from her I could see where the spark in Laveena and Deepak came from. Laveena is in my class while Deepak is in 4th grade and both kids have extreme energy levels and are bright eyed throughout the day!

The highlight of my visit was when I pulled my laptop out because Deepak wanted to watch Waving Flag and Wakka Wakka and a few minutes later Laveena was asking me to show various pictures that I had shown them in class at different points in time. Suddenly, Laveena starts narrating the story of Cinderella to Deepak, fully animated and enthusiastic. I watched Laveena, awed, while she narrated the whole story with all the details in Marwadi to her brother with such excitement...concluding with the fact that Didi would have a ball for the class if they behaved like ladies and gentlemen. Funnily enough clarifying that ball was not the object that you played with but a huge party that princes and princesses attended.

I knew then that it was possible....that overwhelming sense of possibility, the core value that I identify with the most, came to life.....and I knew then that all I had to do was believe and have faith...all I had to do was work hard....and that the magic would work itself....now I want my kids not to achieve 1.5 years of growth but I want to try and push them to achieve as much as they possibly can and give them that confidence to push even further! :) :) it is for that spark in her eyes when she narrated the story that I wake up every morning and head to school...

Glimmer of hope

I walked into school yesterday morning...and like every other morning since the beginning of the school year, started marking the attendance register....without giving it a second thought, I marked Tarun absent...according to my kids, he never came to school even in 2nd standard...he hadn't come to school in almost 2 months...why would he find any reason to come now?? And that too on a random Tuesday???

While I'm busy marking the register, there is some commotion around one of the benches and my kids are all trying to get my attention....I see this somewhat lanky, scrawny kid with a baby pink backpack sitting next to Pankaj and just looking at me. I was shocked, surprised, all at the same time and didn't quite know what to say....

I couldn't believe that he had actually come to school....I walked up to him and introduced myself...he introduced himself as well and I told him that he could sit next to Pankaj the rest of the day as Sheefa, who he was supposed to sit next to, was absent and I hadn't figured Tarun into my seating chart...

Now what was left to see was whether he would make it back for day 2....I spent the whole day asking him various questions leading back to whether he liked school...n whether he wanted to be regular to school so that he could learn and become really smart...:) he bought into all of it and said that he would be coming to school regularly....I just hoped beyond hope that he would not be absent the next day and kill the glimmer of hope that I had for this boy!

This morning, I was happy to see Tarun walking into class and happily making himself at home...he is obedient and does the work assigned to him...indeed, he is very weak...expected of a student that is absent most of the time....I think a little bit of motivation, lots of encouragement, lots more time....and much more faith...will see Tarun make progress and taste success!!! After that there will be no turning back....

Tarun is my newest challenge...and today, again, I go back to think....believe in every child!! Even the ones that have not showed up to your class yet...they just might and you just might be the one that can save them from falling over the edge!!!

My Sunday rollercoaster

Today, just like everyday, was a rollercoaster ride...yes, I didn't even step out of my apartment...but as we all full knew, TFI was going to be a rollercoaster ride...and just when you thought you couldn't go any faster or the drops couldn't get any steeper...they just always do!

And just when you think you can breathe again, you come up to another drop so quickly you don't have time to catch your breath.....and so it was today....

I set out with the objective of finishing up all my pending school work and clearing the boxes in my house...at the end of the day, I can say I was pretty successful...I've cleared pretty much all the boxes and have almost put everything away.....I've finished some of my pending work...still have a little more....I guess will just have to take care of that tomorrow!!!

And hopefully the rigorous rowing on the ergometer will start tomorrow....who knew that the day would turn out the way it did!

Amazing how random things can change your mood...change the way you feel....change everything....

The end of the day leaves me in turmoil...with the rest of the world and with myself....the end of the day leaves me more unsure of what I want to do....more unsure of what I think....more unsure of what I feel....the end of the day finds me dazed and looking for answers where there are none...asking questions where there is no one to listen....not asking the right questions...afraid what the answers might bring....

"Lost and insecure,

You found me, you found me,

Lying on the floor,

Surrounded, surrounded..."

"Where were you...

When everything was falling apart....

All my days...

Were spent by the telephone...."

Only time will give the answers to all the questions...only time will heal all wounds...only time will keep me in check....only time only time only time...."lost and insecure, you found me, you found me...."

Rain, sweat, rain, sweat.....

Take this from someone who has worn out several pairs of running shoes...owning the shoes...even wearing the shoes...does not prepare you to run in the shoes!!! So all my enthusiasm to go running was only in talk....when I actually stepped out and started running I honestly was just waiting to find an excuse to stop...though I really wanted to run!!! Strange...

The run started off quite well....but most of the way up a never ending hill somewhere in the middle of Marketyard, I simply stopped and was like nope, not going any further....Srikanth would just not give up...on the run and on me either....so thanks to him...I ran up and down several more hilly roads in Marketyard and was thoroughly soaked by the end of it! Not to mention that there were a few more stops in between as well...and with pushing and prodding I finished running...

Slight fears creeping in about running a whole half marathon in a couple of months time...but I think fitness can be built up quite quickly and a little regularity and a little pushing will see me ready for my first half marathon :)

As I was walking up the stairs, I wondered what an oxymoron life was....to think that the things that put you through the most pain are the things that we derive so much pleasure from....was so happy that I went for that run this morning...besides the fact that it was unsuccessful on many counts...other than probably for the fact that it was the first time after I got to Pune that I got out and ran :) :) hopefully the first of many more runs in Pune....and a lot more running in the future....

Early morning encounter with my ergometer in Pune

This morning was like a god send.....set the alarm for 4 AM and weirdly enough was up at around 3:40....went to bed pretty early for starters....but then again, its not everyday your body clock is screwed up enough to wake up at the unearthly hour of 3:40 AM....for those who know me, no, not even mine is....

Woke up with the idea of cooking and getting some work done...tho I wasn't quite sure what this work was....put the cooker on the stove and sat down to check my email and go through a few things....halfway through I did a few calculations with time and decided that I had time to exercise....

My ergometer had just got to Pune 2 days before and I was itching to row on it....firstly because my workout regimen had gone out the window after moving to Pune...and also because it had been so long...and now he machine was right there, right in front of me...waiting to kill me...as always!!!! Who would have known eight years ago when my parents gave it to me as a birthday present that it would become such an integral part of my life and that we would develop such a deep love-hate relationship....that is still to last many years to come!!!

Halfway through stirring the sambar, I ran to change and put on my running shoes....a few minutes later, I was sitting on the ergometer....pulling away happily...listening to the rhythmic sound of the chain spinning in the flywheel....just before this I was wondering what I had gotten myself into when I signed myself up for the half marathon in Jan....I really wasn't going to be fit enough to run that...or would I??? Could I possibly do it??? Apparently I could....as usual, others had more faith in my abilities and potential than I did....:)

I decided on a 20 for starters....and amazing how your body responds when you push it....it was the most amazing feeling....transported back to all the times in the last eight years that the machine has been my sole companion and a source of inspiration and motivation to never give up....and to push myself just a little harder...just when I think I'm doing well....just when I think I might not be able to go any further...

This is only the start of many more such encounters with my ergometer....and many more wonderful days in Pune....for now I figured out that integral to happiness and excellence is balance....and sometimes, just sometimes...taking a step back and figuring things out is not bad....conversely...probably better....

I also realized that its OK to take time out for myself and that it wouldn't kill me...would only make me stronger...so here I am, doing all the things that I love....and living the life that I never imagined!!!

Lesson from the past few days....don't wait for the right time to do anything....because the right time is now....so stop waiting and follow your heart!!! Life is too short to wait and there's just too much to do to spend your time waiting!!! :) :)

My illusional Tamil world

I never realized my love for Madras (not Chennai :p) until I came to Pune. It has barely been two months but something about that city keeps calling me back. I have tried extremely hard to pinpoint what exactly it is that I miss...is it the people? the heat? the traffic? college? the familiarity? After much debate, I just missed the city...the smell....the feel....everything!!!!

Sitting here in Pune...everyday is a further quest to satisfy the Madras void in my life....listening to heaps and heaps of Tamil music....watching all kinds of Tamil stuff on YouTube....speaking in Tamil with whoever whenever possible....eating South Indian food all the time....and, of course, trying to keep up with all the things happening in the wonderful city of Madras, which is still home :)

I think Sathyam cinemas is probably my most missed places....and my car one of my most missed things!!!! After these follow everything else...like knowing where to eat out...knowing what it is on the menu that I would like to order...where to go buy something...and where I could and couldn't park!

I think in some ways I enjoy the uncertainty of not knowing exactly what it is that I miss....including my family, home cooked food, my sister constantly yapping in the background and just the people everywhere speaking in a familiar language.....sometimes I feel maybe it is even better this way....cuz with every good thing comes some bad as well...though for Madras the good always outweighs the bad....avoidance proves easier than confrontation....every day I try and hold on to anything, however insignificant or small, that is Madras-like!!! For a Madras land I have created....and a Madras life I lead!!!