The Millenium's first decade in retrospect

Quick snapshot of this past decade! :)

2000 (New Years in Chicago)

- Appa joins the Foreign Service

- Moved to Germany

- Went on my first trip without family - Amrum (many firsts on that trip!)

- Played on a school team for the first time

2001 (New Years in Chennai)

- Was in my first play

- Travelled across Europe with family on a Eurail pass

2002 ( New Years in Chicago)

- Started learning tae kwon do

- Learnt rowing and rowed my first national competition

- Moved to Bangladesh

2003 (New Years in Chennai)

- My aunt got married

- Decided to become vegan

- Baked my very first birthday cake

- Went to Australia in the summer

- First time on the bungee trampoline

- Swam my first butterfly race

2004 (New Years in Chicago)

- My baby sister was born

- Moved to Calcutta

- Won my first national medals in rowing

2005 (New Years in Chennai)

- Finished my O-levels

- Won the single scull in both the junior and senior category at the West Bengal State Rowing Championships

2006 (New Years in Calcutta)

- Spent the summer in Germany and the US - again a summer of many firsts

- Visited the hospital I was born in Dubai - New Dubai Hospital

2007 (New Years in Calcutta)

- Finished my A-levels

- Turned 18!

- Started my BA in Sociology at MOP Vaishnav College For Women in Chennai

- Stayed in a hostel for 3 months

- Moved in with my grandparents for the year

- Won my first All-India University rowing medal in Chandigarh

2008 (New Years in Mumbai)

- Moved back with my parents

- Became an executive member of the Student Council in college

2009 (New Years in Chennai)

- Spent the summer interning in Melbourne

- Went to my first Aussie football match

- Became President of the People's Club in college

- Won gold in the single scull at the All-India university rowing championships

These are just some of the things that happened this past decade. We'll have to wait and see what the next decade has in store! :)

Goodbye 2010!

It is the last day of the year and the decade and looking back it has been an incredible year and quite an unforgettable decade! :)

What was Meena upto in 2010?

- Won the coxed fours at ARAE in Chennai

- Finished my BA in Sociology from MOP Vaishnav College For Women, Chennai

- Passed in First Class

- Visited my great grandmother in Tuticorin

- Traipsed around Singapore for a few days to relax, recuperate and shop

- Proud owner of a MacBook Pro thanks to my grandparents

- Joined Teach For India

- Started teaching 3rd grade at Rashmi English Medium School. Have a wonderful class of 24! :)

- Learnt how to cook

- Turned 21! :)

- Spent my birthday at Hard Rock Cafe in Bombay with some of my favorite people! :)

- Own my first car

- Prerna came to visit in Pune

- Nikki came to visit, watched a Hindi movie together and had an unexpected start to a milestone weekend

- Moved to Pune and moved into my very first apartment

- Trek to Koraigad with an awesome group of friends

- Went on an overnight trek to Rajmachi

- Cycled to Khadakwasla

- Visited Hyderabad after many years and had a wonderful visit

- Ran my first 10 K at the Pune Marathon

- Ran my first half marathon at the Goa River Marathon

- Attended home boi's wedding in Vizag! :)

- Family got a new Swift and I was the first to drive it!

We'll have to see what next year has in store for me! :) :)

Looking forward to 2011...

Running rush

I sat there wondering why I had come to McDonalds. Probably to show that I was fine and normal and that my classroom was fine and dandy. Or probably because my brain was fried and I was hoping that Ronald McDonald had some answers. Either way, I spent most of the time staring at the TV screen watching EPL highlights on ESPN. Only towards the end did I start talking and joking and thank god for that.

It is unusual for me to be quiet and straight faced. For those of you who know me, you know exactly what I mean. I am either smiling or laughing and constantly yapping. Most people would give anything for me to be quiet for a few minutes but it also serves as a source of worry as this is an obvious indicator that everything is not OK.

I didn't quite know what was wrong or why I was in a blah mood. I drove home listening to the radio as usual. As I parked my car and entered my apartment building I thought why not go for a run? I hadn't run in the morning and thought it better not to wait for the run the next morning. I decided to run after about an hour and settled down to finish a few small things.

I finally got up and headed downstairs for a run. The next 20 minutes took me to a place I needed to be and cleared my mind. My heart and feet were thumping to the beats of the music but as I ran, a calm washed over me. Things inside settled and my thinking became clearer and things seemed a lot easier and definitely more manageable.

I guess once in a while it is hard to keep things in perspective and be objective. Here, where there is a race against time, I think it is a constant struggle but the only thing I have learnt is that it may not necessarily be a bad thing. It pushes me to work harder and question myself. It also pushes me to be more efficient and really prioritize!

Running may not be my first suit but it is slowly becoming my vice...

Mumbai Marathon 2011

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Investing stakeholders

Wednesday was an extremely eventful day to say the least.

The day started off with me going to school, just like any other day. We were told we would have to attend some Zilla Parishad training for two whole days, all in Marathi. Of course, we were ecstatic about the training! ;)

There was this hope that I would only have to go for half the day after school, but our Principal had a change of heart and wanted me to attend for the full day. So around 10 AM I headed to a nearby school and sat down among about 150 English and Hindi medium teachers for a 7 hour long Marathi "bashan" on the new ZP format for assessing our students!

Following the training, I walked out with the hope of heading to a Western classical performance. I put my key in to open my car door, took it out, sat in the car and looked at my key. The key was slightly bent. I touched the tip of it and it snapped into two and I was just left staring at the key that was now in two pieces.

One of the teachers from my school was with me and I was supposed to drop her back home. I was like um... there's a slight problem. My car key just broke and is now in two pieces. Then I showed her the key. We decided to find a chhabi wala close by to get a duplicate key made. We started walking and about 5 minutes later learnt that if we went into the Yerwada market, we could possibly find one. After a good 15 minute walk, we found a chhabi wala who was willing to make a duplicate key.

When asked how much it would cost, with no hesitation he said Rs. 150. I, for one, had only Rs. 40 in my wallet at that time. Yes, I know, just wonderful luck! We successfully bargained him down to Rs. 40 to make the key. YAY for bargaining skills! :) With a key in hand that would hopefully work, we headed back to the car. Once back, I tried opening the car door and couldn't.

We tried all kinds of things, including shaking the car to get the door open, but it just didn't work. By this time, the other teacher's uncle had come to pick her up. They were nice enough to go back to the chhabi wala, pick him up and bring him to the car. The key by now was bent and out of shape. He fixed the key and 2 minutes later had the car door open. Amazed I started the car and headed to drop the other teacher off at home.

Once at her home, she insisted that I come in and spend a few minutes, so I went into their house. A nice, quaint house and such a warm, welcoming family! It was amazing how the whole family called me in with smiling faces and such affection. They insisted that I have dinner with them but I told them that I would have to head out as it was getting late.

After about an hour, I walked out of the house and headed to my car. As I was driving back home, I was just thinking how wonderful it was to visit their house and how welcoming and affectionate they all were. We talk about investing stakeholders all the time but how many of us take it to heart. I'm pretty sure no one would have told this teacher anything about investing stakeholders but she just did it. I think that at the end of it, I felt that we should not look at ourselves as being different from the other teachers in our school, or feel different but rather just look at the wonderful things that they offer and the things that we can learn from them. If you look hard enough, there is something we can learn from every single person we meet! :)

City of Angels

Do you believe that each one of us has an angel watching over us? Do you believe in heaven? Do you believe that its important to feel pain? Do you believe its important to know what a pear tastes like? Or.....do you believe it would all be better if you could hear music when the sun rose and live in blissful ignorance?

"And I don't want the world to see me,

Cuz I don't think that they'd understand,

When everything's made to be broken,

I just want you to know who I am"

"And you can't fight the tears that ain't comin,

All the moment of truth in your lies,

When everything feels like the movies,

Ya, you bleed just to know you're alive..."

Today was the first time I watched City of Angels. I didn't know what to expect and neither did I expect this song. For some reason, I thought there was another song in this movie that never played and was pleasantly surprised when this one did. One of my favorite songs, I now understood what it meant and how it could mean so many more things. Definitely an interesting watch for the heart! Makes you question and wonder....and wonder and question...those simple things in life that we take for granted...makes us think of our struggles and the many things that we choose to ignore...the many things that we struggle to come to terms with...the many things that we grapple with on a daily basis....but it also makes us think about the simple things in life...the things that make life worth living...the things that make life so special....the things that make us human....and the things that only humans have....

Food for thought...or rather exercise for thought....five minutes later I was pulling away at my ergometer...guilty for not waking up early enough in the morning to finish my workout...on the other hand, thankful for the order of events...allowing my mind to literally wander to the heavens and back while I rhythmically pulled at the handle of the ergometer.

The sweat mixed with the pain gave a strange sense of pleasure and satisfaction...a high that only exercise could give....a fulfillment that only physical strain could deliver!!! For this feeling, I wake up every morning...for this feeling, I drag my tired body out of bed and pull on my sneakers...for this feeling, I go through the pain and the strain at the end of a hard day.......for nothing as wonderful as the oxymoronic pleasurable pain was unleashed from Pandora's box....

Tomorrow is a new day, where I wake up looking forward to feeling this pain all over again...looking forward to my screaming muscles and my aching lungs....looking forward to the meter counting down and the time ticking away....looking forward to the rhythmic spinning of the flywheel...stroke after stroke....minute after minute....the small things in life make life worth living and the angels watching are really missing out on something special!

Sense of possibility

Last week I was at my wit's end with what incentives and investment strategies I could use with Simran to get her to do her work and complete it. It seemed impossible. She was extremely slow with her writing, even if it was just copying from the board, she didn't complete any of her homework, she didn't bother to write in the workbooks or even complete assignments in her notebook. I tried telling her all different things. I know she absolutely adored me but for some reason didn't see reason in completing her work.

Finally, before she was leaving school one day I told her that she would not be allowed into my class the next morning if she didn't complete all her pending work. If she didn't, she would have to stay outside class and complete the work and then she would be allowed into the class. She agreed and left the class. I kept my fingers crossed that this strategy would work.

The next morning she came in again with her work incomplete and I sent her out immediately and told her that only if she completed her work she would be allowed to be part of the class. I believe this struck a cord somewhere and in record time she completed her work and came into class to show it to me. I was amazed to see that not only had she completed it all, she had also gotten it all correct.

That day, at the end of the school day, I told her again that she would not be allowed into class the next morning if she didn't complete her work. The next morning she walked into class all proud and beaming. She very proudly pulled out her workbooks and showed me that she had completed all her work. I was elated and ecstatic.

Again, for the millionth time, I learnt not to give up, at any point on any of my kids....they were all going to make it...but I had to believe...because if I didn't, no one else would....for them, all they have is a belief and a hope....

True mastery

A couple of days ago I went to Laveena's house as part of my community visit. After about a week of telling her that I would come to her house after school, I finally made it there. I didn't really feel like going that day either, but since I didn't want to see the disappointed look on her face, I decided I would go to her house and spend some time with her family.

Once I got there, I was extremely happy that I had gone to visit. Her grandmother was simply a pleasure to speak to and was animatedly describing all the activities of both her grandkids and from her I could see where the spark in Laveena and Deepak came from. Laveena is in my class while Deepak is in 4th grade and both kids have extreme energy levels and are bright eyed throughout the day!

The highlight of my visit was when I pulled my laptop out because Deepak wanted to watch Waving Flag and Wakka Wakka and a few minutes later Laveena was asking me to show various pictures that I had shown them in class at different points in time. Suddenly, Laveena starts narrating the story of Cinderella to Deepak, fully animated and enthusiastic. I watched Laveena, awed, while she narrated the whole story with all the details in Marwadi to her brother with such excitement...concluding with the fact that Didi would have a ball for the class if they behaved like ladies and gentlemen. Funnily enough clarifying that ball was not the object that you played with but a huge party that princes and princesses attended.

I knew then that it was possible....that overwhelming sense of possibility, the core value that I identify with the most, came to life.....and I knew then that all I had to do was believe and have faith...all I had to do was work hard....and that the magic would work itself....now I want my kids not to achieve 1.5 years of growth but I want to try and push them to achieve as much as they possibly can and give them that confidence to push even further! :) :) it is for that spark in her eyes when she narrated the story that I wake up every morning and head to school...

Glimmer of hope

I walked into school yesterday morning...and like every other morning since the beginning of the school year, started marking the attendance register....without giving it a second thought, I marked Tarun absent...according to my kids, he never came to school even in 2nd standard...he hadn't come to school in almost 2 months...why would he find any reason to come now?? And that too on a random Tuesday???

While I'm busy marking the register, there is some commotion around one of the benches and my kids are all trying to get my attention....I see this somewhat lanky, scrawny kid with a baby pink backpack sitting next to Pankaj and just looking at me. I was shocked, surprised, all at the same time and didn't quite know what to say....

I couldn't believe that he had actually come to school....I walked up to him and introduced myself...he introduced himself as well and I told him that he could sit next to Pankaj the rest of the day as Sheefa, who he was supposed to sit next to, was absent and I hadn't figured Tarun into my seating chart...

Now what was left to see was whether he would make it back for day 2....I spent the whole day asking him various questions leading back to whether he liked school...n whether he wanted to be regular to school so that he could learn and become really smart...:) he bought into all of it and said that he would be coming to school regularly....I just hoped beyond hope that he would not be absent the next day and kill the glimmer of hope that I had for this boy!

This morning, I was happy to see Tarun walking into class and happily making himself at home...he is obedient and does the work assigned to him...indeed, he is very weak...expected of a student that is absent most of the time....I think a little bit of motivation, lots of encouragement, lots more time....and much more faith...will see Tarun make progress and taste success!!! After that there will be no turning back....

Tarun is my newest challenge...and today, again, I go back to think....believe in every child!! Even the ones that have not showed up to your class yet...they just might and you just might be the one that can save them from falling over the edge!!!

My Sunday rollercoaster

Today, just like everyday, was a rollercoaster ride...yes, I didn't even step out of my apartment...but as we all full knew, TFI was going to be a rollercoaster ride...and just when you thought you couldn't go any faster or the drops couldn't get any steeper...they just always do!

And just when you think you can breathe again, you come up to another drop so quickly you don't have time to catch your breath.....and so it was today....

I set out with the objective of finishing up all my pending school work and clearing the boxes in my house...at the end of the day, I can say I was pretty successful...I've cleared pretty much all the boxes and have almost put everything away.....I've finished some of my pending work...still have a little more....I guess will just have to take care of that tomorrow!!!

And hopefully the rigorous rowing on the ergometer will start tomorrow....who knew that the day would turn out the way it did!

Amazing how random things can change your mood...change the way you feel....change everything....

The end of the day leaves me in turmoil...with the rest of the world and with myself....the end of the day leaves me more unsure of what I want to do....more unsure of what I think....more unsure of what I feel....the end of the day finds me dazed and looking for answers where there are none...asking questions where there is no one to listen....not asking the right questions...afraid what the answers might bring....

"Lost and insecure,

You found me, you found me,

Lying on the floor,

Surrounded, surrounded..."

"Where were you...

When everything was falling apart....

All my days...

Were spent by the telephone...."

Only time will give the answers to all the questions...only time will heal all wounds...only time will keep me in check....only time only time only time...."lost and insecure, you found me, you found me...."

Rain, sweat, rain, sweat.....

Take this from someone who has worn out several pairs of running shoes...owning the shoes...even wearing the shoes...does not prepare you to run in the shoes!!! So all my enthusiasm to go running was only in talk....when I actually stepped out and started running I honestly was just waiting to find an excuse to stop...though I really wanted to run!!! Strange...

The run started off quite well....but most of the way up a never ending hill somewhere in the middle of Marketyard, I simply stopped and was like nope, not going any further....Srikanth would just not give up...on the run and on me either....so thanks to him...I ran up and down several more hilly roads in Marketyard and was thoroughly soaked by the end of it! Not to mention that there were a few more stops in between as well...and with pushing and prodding I finished running...

Slight fears creeping in about running a whole half marathon in a couple of months time...but I think fitness can be built up quite quickly and a little regularity and a little pushing will see me ready for my first half marathon :)

As I was walking up the stairs, I wondered what an oxymoron life was....to think that the things that put you through the most pain are the things that we derive so much pleasure from....was so happy that I went for that run this morning...besides the fact that it was unsuccessful on many counts...other than probably for the fact that it was the first time after I got to Pune that I got out and ran :) :) hopefully the first of many more runs in Pune....and a lot more running in the future....

Early morning encounter with my ergometer in Pune

This morning was like a god send.....set the alarm for 4 AM and weirdly enough was up at around 3:40....went to bed pretty early for starters....but then again, its not everyday your body clock is screwed up enough to wake up at the unearthly hour of 3:40 AM....for those who know me, no, not even mine is....

Woke up with the idea of cooking and getting some work done...tho I wasn't quite sure what this work was....put the cooker on the stove and sat down to check my email and go through a few things....halfway through I did a few calculations with time and decided that I had time to exercise....

My ergometer had just got to Pune 2 days before and I was itching to row on it....firstly because my workout regimen had gone out the window after moving to Pune...and also because it had been so long...and now he machine was right there, right in front of me...waiting to kill me...as always!!!! Who would have known eight years ago when my parents gave it to me as a birthday present that it would become such an integral part of my life and that we would develop such a deep love-hate relationship....that is still to last many years to come!!!

Halfway through stirring the sambar, I ran to change and put on my running shoes....a few minutes later, I was sitting on the ergometer....pulling away happily...listening to the rhythmic sound of the chain spinning in the flywheel....just before this I was wondering what I had gotten myself into when I signed myself up for the half marathon in Jan....I really wasn't going to be fit enough to run that...or would I??? Could I possibly do it??? Apparently I could....as usual, others had more faith in my abilities and potential than I did....:)

I decided on a 20 for starters....and amazing how your body responds when you push it....it was the most amazing feeling....transported back to all the times in the last eight years that the machine has been my sole companion and a source of inspiration and motivation to never give up....and to push myself just a little harder...just when I think I'm doing well....just when I think I might not be able to go any further...

This is only the start of many more such encounters with my ergometer....and many more wonderful days in Pune....for now I figured out that integral to happiness and excellence is balance....and sometimes, just sometimes...taking a step back and figuring things out is not bad....conversely...probably better....

I also realized that its OK to take time out for myself and that it wouldn't kill me...would only make me stronger...so here I am, doing all the things that I love....and living the life that I never imagined!!!

Lesson from the past few days....don't wait for the right time to do anything....because the right time is now....so stop waiting and follow your heart!!! Life is too short to wait and there's just too much to do to spend your time waiting!!! :) :)

My illusional Tamil world

I never realized my love for Madras (not Chennai :p) until I came to Pune. It has barely been two months but something about that city keeps calling me back. I have tried extremely hard to pinpoint what exactly it is that I miss...is it the people? the heat? the traffic? college? the familiarity? After much debate, I just missed the city...the smell....the feel....everything!!!!

Sitting here in Pune...everyday is a further quest to satisfy the Madras void in my life....listening to heaps and heaps of Tamil music....watching all kinds of Tamil stuff on YouTube....speaking in Tamil with whoever whenever possible....eating South Indian food all the time....and, of course, trying to keep up with all the things happening in the wonderful city of Madras, which is still home :)

I think Sathyam cinemas is probably my most missed places....and my car one of my most missed things!!!! After these follow everything else...like knowing where to eat out...knowing what it is on the menu that I would like to order...where to go buy something...and where I could and couldn't park!

I think in some ways I enjoy the uncertainty of not knowing exactly what it is that I miss....including my family, home cooked food, my sister constantly yapping in the background and just the people everywhere speaking in a familiar language.....sometimes I feel maybe it is even better this way....cuz with every good thing comes some bad as well...though for Madras the good always outweighs the bad....avoidance proves easier than confrontation....every day I try and hold on to anything, however insignificant or small, that is Madras-like!!! For a Madras land I have created....and a Madras life I lead!!!

The last two months at Teach For India has really made the most amazing memories for a lifetime...it has also brought back many many memories, both good and bad, from the extremely eventful past 21 years.

Five weeks at Institute really got me thinking about things that I had just pushed to the back of my mind and chose not to deal with or think about. The same thoughts kept popping up time and again. I still haven't found in me the courage to face these things but I think I am one step closer to being at peace with myself, at least about certain things.

Maybe this was another reason for starting this blog! Just a thought....for life has changed so much in the last two months...almost as much as it has every other year of my life. Though college seemed quite the same from the first year to the last, it changed quite a bit every year, with people coming and going and emotions...

It is that which makes us all so human and vulnerable...EMOTIONS!!!! I think when you are put under extreme pressure and are pushed to the breaking point, that is when the things that you deem the most important in your life come to the forefront. It is then that you realize how valuable certain things are, what your values actually are, what your faults and weaknesses actually are....and how there is a whole world out there! Many a time I think we all get so wrapped up in our emotions and are caught in this bubble that we fail to see that there is so much more to life...but then that just makes life all the more complicated....more choices, more options, more opinions!

Given the multitude of things that are happening I find myself unable to deal with any of the issues that I am battling in my head. But then again, wasn't that always why I kept myself so busy? I know that very soon things are about to start making sense.

Until then, this blog is an attempt to create some normalcy in all this mayhem! Perhaps it is only adding to it...

Why blog? Why now?

As most things in my life so far, some craziness came over me and I decided it was time to start blogging...and I have this gut feeling that this is not going to be one of those short lived passions of mine. Most things are not...I think that's why it becomes so hard cuz I just keep adding things to my life but nothing is really left behind...so add to the list BLOGGING!!!

Probably the craziness of turning 21! Now that I am an adult...officially...let's formulate some opinions, express them and they're hopefully worth listening to.

So from those who know me, they know I just can't stop talking. I think I had this irresistible urge to start a blog as I don't seem to have enough time to do anything anymore! Seemingly paradoxical I know. But true nonetheless!

I figured that there was so much that was running through my head...all the time...I've started writing many times and not pursued it further...but have really wanted to...so now I've decided to just start.

This blog is going to be random! Of course :) and only time will tell what it will comprise of....

So welcome to my blog! :) :) happy reading....TAKE THE PLUNGE!